literature

AmericaXReader: Rolling Girl

Deviation Actions

TheRollingScones's avatar
Published:
2.1K Views

Literature Text

   You stare up at the ceiling, disregarding the chaos you’ve churned with your own bleeding hands. The world around you has fallen and there’s only shredded remains of it. You tore it all apart faster than you are dying on the inside; the agony of failure has punctured your heart yet again, and you can’t stop the bleeding. But the part that scares you the most is that you don’t want to stop it.

Slowly turning on your side, you clench your bloody fists, eyes setting upon the monochrome world. Whenever you felt these feelings, you would just curl up in bed and wait for everything to go away…But everything is still stained in a disastrous colour, no matter how hard you try to un-see what’s been seen, or cover your eyes even though all else is dark.

All that ever comes your way is failure. Never can you succeed at a single thing. Every goal you set is unreachable; everything you do seems pointless, suppressing, so far out of reach. And no matter what people tell you (be it how amazing or how talented you are) their words never mean a thing: they only make you more furious.

They only make you want to hurt them.


The lonely girl dreams the impossible as she pleases,

There’s so much going on in that noisy head of hers

She scratches it all around, she scratches it all around.



Every single time, you try again, brushing off the pain as bad luck; brushing off the bad luck as just another day; brushing the day off as “this won’t be forever”. But now you’re at the point where you just want to give up. What’s honestly worth so much pain?


She mutters, “No problem”, but weren’t the words lost?

Once again, once again,

If it ins with a wrong search, I’ll roll again!


   You open your palms, letting the blood roll down onto the carpet carelessly. Normally, you would never do such a thing in fear of a stain, punishment, scolding. But you don’t care anymore. And you don’t care to try and clean it, because the stain will never come out.

One more time! One more time!

“I’ll roll again today,”

The girl says, the girl says,

As she orchestrated the meaning in her spoken words!



  Your violent outbursts and sudden spikes of irrational anger have encased your mind in a tempest rolling and rolling and rolling around your head, leaving no mercy for the innocent and dealing devastating punishment for the guilty. Try as you might, you couldn’t get the case to crack; you couldn’t free your happiness. You no longer try, because you know the case will never break. You’ll just roll through another day.

As you stare off into the raging storm inside your head, you begin to wonder where everything went wrong. You begin to wonder why it has to be you. The thoughts are so consuming that you don’t even hear the soft turn of the doorknob.

“Are you better now?”

“Not yet, the future is nowhere in sight,

So I’m going to hold my breath, for now.”



“[Name]…?”

You don’t bother to move, you only focus your eyes on the pair of shoes that stand at the doorway. And then you close your fists and watch as the owner of the shoes steps over the debris of the tempest. The person clears away a spot in the destruction and sits, facing you while asking, “What happened here?”

You look away from him because you don’t need to see another sorry face: instead, you go back into your thoughts. There’s no reason to explain anything to him. He’s never failed; he’s never fallen; he doesn’t get it and he can’t fix a single thing about you.

Alfred stares, but you no longer care. “Nothing happened,” you say quietly and close your eyes. Pressure bubbles beneath your closed eyelids. Clouds can’t hold rain forever.

“Something happened, so tell me. I’m sure I can help.”

“Nothing happened, everything is fine.”

“Then can you explain why your room has been destroyed?”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER,” you shout, clenching your fists even tighter now, making the blood go roll, roll, rolling down and seeping into the carpet.


Rolling Girl is at the end of the ruins, beyond unreachable colours

Overlapping voices with voices and blending, blending.

Rolling girl is at the end, and the colour is beyond unreachable,

The overlapping voices in the air,

She mixes them all together, mixes them all together.



Alfred says nothing for a moment, but then heaves a heavy sigh, “Is it about school?”

You give him not a single response; you keep your eyes focused on the hole-riddled wall across the room, past the strewn clothes, the miscellaneous papers, the scattered books. And somehow, Alfred spies your marks sheet through all of this and he stands to fetch it so he can see if that was the matter.

“This is good, [Name]!” he smiles at you encouragingly, desperately. Then he kneels next to where you lay. “You should be proud of yourself.”

You lash out and snatch the paper away, crumbling it and throwing the blood-spotted paper somewhere in the room.

He scowls, and asks loudly, “What is the matter with you?”

He’s confused. He didn’t succeed.

Happy with the fact that he failed at making you cheer up, you close your eyes again, a grin creasing your face. “It’s nothing that I can’t fix.”

“No problem,” the words she muttered were lost,

She doesn’t care what happens, right?

Even the hills provoke her to make mistakes as well.



   “If it was something so simple, you wouldn’t have done all of this! You do realize this is only school, right?!”

“You don’t get it, Alfred, and you never will. Some of us can’t succeed at everything.”

“What do you mean? [Name], you can do anything. I know you can.”

His words mean nothing.

“Leave me alone.”

The blood from your hands gathers in the carpet, making a small pond of despair.

“No, I won’t. If I do, you’ll just hurt yourself more,”

Without any control you reach up at strike him across the face, leaving a long, bloody trail of pain to linger. And with a cry of pain from yourself, you slink back to the floor, nursing your hand that you so carelessly attacked him with when it was still tender and raw from all of the pain it has gone through.

Once again, you’ve failed. You didn’t even think through the situation.


One more time! One more time!

“Please let me roll once again”

The girl says, the girls says

Gathering the meaning while secluded in her shell!

“Are you better now?”

“Just a bit more, I’ll see something soon. I’m going to hold my breath, for now.”



“Do you feel better now?” his voice is blank, eerily quiet.

“No. I can’t ever do anything right.”

“What do you mean by that, [Name]?”

“Everything I do is stupid. I can’t ever do anything right. And I don’t care to do anything right anymore, I just want to be alone.” Cold, your voice is, and distant.

“Why haven’t you just asked for help…?”

“Because no one ever listens,”

“But I would listen,”

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you everything, I’d mess it all up.”

“But I would understand…”

“I doubt it,” You laugh bitterly and roll onto your other side so that your back is to him. And there, tears roll down your face. “But everything will be alright. I’ll just try harder next time…” Despite your tears, you force your lips to draw back into a smile.


One more time, one more time.

“I will roll today, too,”

The girl says, the girl says

Playing her words with a smile!



Unexpectedly, you are embraced as you sit bleeding onto the floor. Alfred holds you so tightly you can barely breathe. You don’t feel as alone. Somehow, the world is washed in different colours than just black and white. Somehow, you don’t even have the strength to even consider fighting him away. Is it because you honestly want to believe in him, to believe that everything will be alright?

“I’m here for you, no matter what. I don’t care how hard life gets: whenever you fall, I’ll catch you, and whenever you bleed, I bleed more. It’s impossible to make it through by yourself, especially when you don’t have to be alone.”


“Are you better now? It’s okay. Let’s go, you must be tired, right?”

"I'm going to hold my breath now."



But you just can’t bring yourself to truly admit defeat yet. There's finally a reason to keep fighting: you can see it.
I wrote this over a year ago and never uploaded it; so I just fixed it up and here you go.
Ah, I can very much relate to this song.

Inspired by:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxK9Rb…
© 2014 - 2024 TheRollingScones
Comments9
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
GermanBlackRabbit's avatar
i love the song and i really like this story.